||[07 Jul 2008|03:52am]
Please do not accept the word of Mom as gospel. You know she likes to blow it all to the proportion her mind makes it. Then you get to repeat her words to your wife... so if I may just clarify.
I am having an OCD Attack. I chose to give up alcohol immediately when I realized that fact. It happened before, over a longer period. It has come to a point where I am ignoring bills and forgetting appointments because my mind is literally so concentrated elsewhere... because I know there is not enough money for all of it, I just spend it as it goes, and the bills are behind again, but not unmanageably so; it's not a hole I can't fill in two months.
But here's the thing, the obsession/compulsion is a fount of creativity and understanding. I have become a mimic... I can learn to speak any language (english based only, so far) only by listening and noting patterns. I literally had one Christian today ask me if I was Buddhist because I had just talked him in so many circles about God. I have discovered the ability to play rhythm guitar by ear, hear the rhythm on one side, the lead on the other, in my head. If I hear it in my head, I can narrate you how to play it by reading the tabs, and I learned the frets by number and the fingering by number combinations instead of chords, and this evening I had a guitar player tell me what chords I had just played, without ever picking up a guitar in my life. I have also made several patterns and connections with similarity to rhythm and rhyme. I can now freestyle rap. I can write a haiku without paper. I can improvise a commercial about anything I see, :30, :60, however long, and then do four more completely different versions. I literally just had a 20 minute conversation with my 28 year old drunk neighbor, and by the end had sold him a thirty second spot for $50 by improvising it in front of him... only in the last two minutes of our conversation. And it's so lifelike that it's live on HD Radio in real time! I can sell anything by relating it instead of telling it. I have improvised spots about screws (wanna screw? I'll give you a GOOOD one...) or Holly Berries, Green Holly Berries, by omitting what they were until the end and describing their ultimate potential to feed your birds once they turn red.
All I did was narrate the story I imagined, which involved the President of Malone Tree Service, Jeff Malone, because he cares about you so much, climbing that really tall tree... you know the one, it's been threatening to drop a limb on you for a week... or it could fall on your house, or that nice car you just got detailed... or your family. But Jeff really cares about you that much... and Jeff really was there Punctuating every Point I had with the word YEAH! Like I had just convinced him to Vote for the first time!
I'm ready to start learning languages now, I can already think in so many dialects and I find myself translating two out of three Spanish words by their latin roots. So your middle child is a savant. I learn everything by listening, watching, being OBSERVANT, and I CAN'T sit still normally, not for a class with a speaker who does NOT attract my attention or interest me in opening the book. But I have had good teachers give me A Grades because I just kept them interested. I also Know now that I will complete college when I am determined to ask others to study with me, and I will just explain how I learn it... in their words. And use metaphors, and show patterns, and narrate it or show it so they get it rather than just tell them and expect them to listen. That's my career, I explain, I sell things to you, I make you imagine them even if you're blind. So I imagine how to describe it to a blind person. Or how to speak the body language of it so a deaf person or foreign speaker or even a Cat, Dog, or Baby gets the gist. Come at them from as many auditory angles at once as possible, music, natural sound, and voiceover all at once. On HD Radio they can Hear why you deserve the Best Use of Sound Award, and it's here!
I spent 15 minutes with an Improv troupe this afternoon and kicked their asses. I intend to join that troupe unless I get a full time job elsewhere that can pay for the psychological care I need to do the news... and the fix for the WORST case of Acid Reflux Heartburn (Reporter's reflux)... otherwise going freelance, offering any service I could have. I can e-mail a picture or make you a poster and send it to you from that picture I just took of you, just write your address on a dollar. I can write you a limerick based on your hat, what do you think it's worth for that? I speak so you will get the words I mean because it's all spelled out... IN IAMBIC PENTAMETER. I can even write a pop song. I have an hours worth of audio of improvising off people's appearance and demeanor, my reactions only, so you get to wonder WHAT was on that T-shirt... and every .com I see, I read it out loud twice. Because those are all billboards. Suddenly I am a Walking Fark.com, funny headlines, commentary and ads, on the radio, and I fully intend to sell that Idea to the guy who runs fark, as a viral, ad based, audio visual blog, where I give live-on-tape endorsements. I am conceiving HD radio for the 21st century because there needs to be free, ENTERTAINING entertainment on the radio and in real life because this is the top of the Rollercoaster, we're not stopping until the dollar deflates the Dow to 9000 or less! So I intend to do it all freelance at pasttenseproductions.com. Maybe even start filing for NPR. I can do that from Atlanta... or wherever the job takes me, because I can do so many of them, and I need to do so full time simply for my health, to afford better healthcare, first off, with another car... and the equipment I'll need, and then the excesses I choose.
So to bring it back to the point, I have had to discover all of these things silently. Mom already did not believe I have a mental disorder. So I had to scream it at her in English and Body Language (oh, discovered that I can be a mime too, did that today on the MARTA Train). I can READ body language, and speak it to cats, dogs, even gay men, and get their attention. And I can bring you out of your shell because I can tell you exactly how you're feeling. Then I can make you smile. And I did it for two days straight just for practice. Next summer I may do it in character at Ren Fest. This has been my stream of consciousness lately... in a big circle. I did all of it while Mom was having Bipolar Attacks AT me, exactly how I narrate them, only screaming because she is angry in the moment, saying things you don't mean at all, because I'm Angry at that moment, in the first second and third persons all at once. She wonders where I got the genes for it... I feel dad did the day we moved from Columbus, drove all the way from Oklahoma for her to give away his second and third kids permanently, then WALKED back from dropping off the Ryder Truck... SIX MILES! Because it was inconvenient enough to make her complain before she conceded to give him a ride. You'd rather walk because you were tired of hearing it, at least if I were you that's how I'd feel. Mom has kicked me out of the apartment without forcing me to go anywhere. I'm already gone as far as she notices, but I'm welcome to stay until Labor day. And she has no idea what has just happened to me. She doesn't want to know, she doesn't ask, she only wants to complain about the latest thing her great job has done to piss her off. So not only all these things, but now when I get back I will hopefully be equipped to move anywhere immediately, with my cat. My couch rental runs out in August unless I pay her $50 AND another months groceries and chores and all the smoke and wine necessary to keep her from screaming for the entire night!
I have become a walking radio, voiceovers and opinions, music and commercials, all live. And had some great ideas for viral marketing to boot! I am also fully prepared to walk into a production studio and cut a personalized demo for anyone who asks, or improvise it into the voice recorder as though I'm leaving a voice message for exactly :30. If you can't hold their attention for that long... and then be able to keep it long enough for the next thirty second thought! That includes talking a stream of consciousness in a circle to a microphone for as long as one CD holds to show you I can host an entire talk show without callers as long as I can talk to someone who relates to a conservative libertarian male who just aged into the 25-54 demo and loves to bend words so they hook you.... so far the only people I've managed to piss off enough to stop listening have been those who suddenly found themselves without a counterargument!
So. Instead of getting angry I finally learned to turn the other cheek, and I will just prove it and come back to mom without the need ever to ask anything of her ever again, and then offer to share with her anyway. That started the blowup in the first place... the fact that I had dug myself a dilemma, found the solution, executed it, and to no detriment to myself, undid it, without taking her advice OR borrowing any money from her to do it. I have learned to live quietly and conservatively while still enjoying life, and I'll start with the things I need and what I've committed to, and then I'll have a budget to expand. So, thank you for worrying. I hope I have just shifted it to a different reason.